Our subjective perceives the world in discrete ‘instants’ of time that we understand as an overall continuous existence, the four-dimensional phenomenon of the self. It is when we realize that our previous set of values and definitions we imparted onto the world (the act of self-definition and the creation of essence) no longer works, and we are faced again with our existence (the universal human condition).

This realization propels the cycle of existentialism in that never ending pursuit for meaning in meaninglessness. We are forced to create ourselves (the first requiem) from nothingness in light of the previous instants (the previous requiems).

The individual instant is impossible to objectively define but can only be defined and understood as a lived experience in having confronted the absurd. We never know when we shift from one instant to the next, we can only realize that it has occurred in hindsight.

One must redefine all meaning from one instant to the next, otherwise they are trying to fit into a bygone ideal of themselves. As the situation one finds themselves in changes with the objective (a new location, state of mind, feeling, etc.) they are once confronted with their existence in a meaningless void where they are forced to redefine their meaning from.

Camus refers to this confrontation as the ‘Absurd’ in his philosophy. We find ourselves existing preceding any essence. All previous convictions toward life seem fake and like an aching memory that cannot be trusted. We see in front of us our existing within the raw objective meaninglessness of the world. We are alone. There is simply us and the boulder we are made to carry. Yet within that void we still feel a desire to keep going, an almost Karamazovian lust for living and meaning. With a sigh we continue pushing that boulder, no matter how tough or how much our muscles ache. In that moment we rebuild our sensibility amidst that meaninglessness, a new conviction to live. We continue to push, on and on, up the hill until we find ourselves suddenly at the bottom of the hill, face-to-face with the unrelenting silence of the world. So we continue on despite that and how each push and heave of the boulder will nevertheless send us back to the bottom of the hill. Each a reiteration of our rebellion to create meaning within the phenomenon of being:
a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem for a requiem...

- Yixuan, 2026